Hey man sorry I got all grabby
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
