Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
