i permit you to call me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
