Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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