If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
soo... how was my night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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