sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
