made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
