Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
