Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I party with great urgency now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
