just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
