I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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