I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize