I am puke
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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