woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
