Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
