walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
