The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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