i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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