If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
