so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize