i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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