theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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