So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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