i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
