Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
