What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
