I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
