I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
