dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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