he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize