Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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