Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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