so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
