so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
