I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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