I haven't been this sober since birth.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she peed on how many people?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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