nut hugger
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
