your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
