actually, I'm a sock model
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He? As in you personified your dick?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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