I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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