We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
