There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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