I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
