Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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