Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
