just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
