I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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