where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
