and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
