sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
