I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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