Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
