So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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