Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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