my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
