grandma shit on top of the toilet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm getting married
To pizza
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
