thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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