my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
