i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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