There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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