Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
