i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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