Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
