8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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